As we climb the ranks in our careers to senior leadership, my research shows that, generally between the ages of 39 and 59, we enter what I call "Phase Two". This is a pinnacle of influence shadowed by unprecedented complexity. For those in this phase, you have likely felt the weight of organisational demands, family responsibilities, aging parents, health challenges, and relentless external pressures. What starts as a triumphant ascent can quietly morph into a silent predator, eroding your resilience, sense of self, and even your health to become what I have termed “lost in the weeds”. However, here is the truth I have uncovered through over 160 case studies and hands-on work with senior executives. This does not have to be your story. Phase Two can be a season of renewed purpose, reconnection to your values, and vitality, if you navigate the "weeds" wisely.

The Phase Two Trap: When Ecosystems Overgrow

In our early years, we build resilience on six foundational pillars: sleep, exercise, nutrition, rest/quiet time, environment, and community. These form our "pre-ecosystem," shaping core values like trust, honesty, and connection through immediate, close-tied relationships, family, teachers, and peers. Yet, as Phase Two leaders, these pillars often become casualties amid expanding ecosystems. Family needs intensify with children or elderly care; professional pressures mount from teams, stakeholders, and economic volatility; societal shifts add cultural and online scrutiny. The result? These tectonic plates rub against each other, creating a dense thicket of complexity, where the weeds have grown so high that we don’t realise we are stuck. We think we are in control, however, we are functioning and fighting for survival.

Lost in the weeds represents a loss of connection. This disconnection replaces the myth of "work-life balance" with something more profound and often can become a deeper danger: the loss of self. A loss of alignment with your non-negotiable values. What follows is ecosystem dissonance, a misalignment that dulls your emotional intelligence, intuition, and "ethical radar" for knowing when to push or pause. You might sacrifice sleep for deadlines, exercise for meetings, or quiet reflection for endless reviews. Leaders I have coached describe it as entering unknown territory, where overwork breeds bad habits, micromanagement, or even substance use to silence the inner noise.

The Hidden Cost: Values Turned Inward 

One of the most insidious aspects of Phase Two is how your greatest strengths can become liabilities. Honesty, once a beacon of transparency, twists into relentless self-pressure for results at any cost. Resilience turns into stubborn overwork, ignoring the need for rest. Humility prevents asking for help, deepening isolation. Communication retracts into silent withdrawal from those who could support you. These are not flaws; they are values inverted by stress and disconnection.

I have witnessed extraordinary leaders, visionaries with integrity and influence, succumb to this trap. They are clearly not incompetent; they are dedicated professionals whose front-end leadership knowledge and core values, without grounding and self-reflection, turn against them. The human toll is profound: loss of self, ethical drift, and in extreme cases, life-threatening issues. But with targeted intervention, these same values can reclaim their role as anchors.

Connection: Your Antidote to the Weeds

Escaping the weeds demands reconnection, starting with yourself. Mentally, revisit your core values and how pressures distort them. Physically, listen to your body's signals: skipped meals, or lack of rest, are signals, not inconveniences; it's a call to action. Spiritually, realign with purpose to navigate adversity without compromise.

This needs to extend to your teams, knowing they have their ecosystems and needs; understand how we can best intersect, and respect others' rhythms rather than imposing your own. Most crucially, build "accountability connections", a trusted inner circle of one to three experienced confidants who offer safety, honesty, and lived wisdom. These aren't generic mentors; they're human mirrors who've walked your path, helping pull weeds one by one through candid conversations and guidance.

Why not rely on AI or frameworks alone? Tools like AI can surface patterns and connect concepts to neuroscience, but they lack emotional intelligence, ethical radar, and the visceral understanding of high-stakes decisions, for example, a military leader in life-or-death scenarios. True transformation will always require human intervention: voices that sense when humility becomes silence or honesty turns punitive.

The Path to Clean Air: Embrace the 3P/S Framework

Phase Two isn't neutral; it either suffocates you or elevates you. Through my 3P/S Lab, I have guided countless senior leaders back to clarity. This holistic framework emphasises Purpose (your directional engine), Presence (how you represent yourself in all aspects), Present (being where your feet are) and Situational Specific leadership—bolstered by mental, physical, and spiritual growth. It's not about working harder; it's front-end work: refining your values (your ethical compass), your beliefs (your real-time interpretation of those values), honing resilience for consistency, congruence, and calmness under pressure.

Leaders who have embraced this emerge transformed, reducing burnout, expanding wisdom and growth, fostering influence, and mastering complexity. Your strongest values aren't enemies; they're your way back, sustained by pillars, ecosystems, and trusted allies.

With decades of experience, I am here to help you reclaim your leadership edge through personalised training and coaching. Whether one-on-one sessions or immersive 3P/S Lab programs, we'll clear the path to clean air.

Reach out via LinkedIn message or visit www.betheleader.org to schedule a confidential call. Your Phase Two doesn't have to be a trap; it can be your greatest chapter.